It was a few days after 2009 New Years Eve, the year she tried to kill herself when she made this picture.
Taken a few days after the first attempt it was nothing more than a scary picture that she managed to upload holding her laptop's boyfriend close to the bedroom window, just to catch the weak wireless signal from the neighbour's wi-fi.
With fuzzy eyes from the medication she had to take afterwards could not focus really well. She looked deadly thin something that added an extra haunting layer to this damned photograph as well.
Ironically enough at exactly that time a lot of people described her as irresistible pretty. She also played her game in that with her own unique ways. Spreading charming smiles of manufactured happiness with eyes wide open to the dark side.
As she had nearly survived whatever that was that dragged her so low she was heading to my successful graduation days from a prestigious art college.
As all people trying to get over depression she soon became more selfish than she ever was in her life just to dive back to her guilts an to involuntary altruism later on.
Unable to hang out with people as often and honest as she used too, for the simple fact that never before the 'how are you question' hurt her so badly along with her razor-blade scars, her hurricane like personality felt oppressed again.
The memories of those days are covered within a thick cotton clouds, excessive sleep episodes, an unfitted relationship that never suited her way too well, some minor affairs before and after it and the fuzzy feel in her body members from Prozac.
As she was studying abroad, six months after her graduation, under confusing circumstances, she fled back to my home country together with her beloved siamese cat in a basket.
Her stuff arrived within a few days by TNT post in big brown paper boxes and odd sized packets wrapped in bubble foil and gaff tape.
Her family, an awkward mix of diverse personalities, copped unusually well with the fast that their eldest daughter attempted to stop her life in the age of twenty seven and a half as they simply embraced her with their warmth and a deep denial to all the unpleasantries involved.
More or less she was nor the first nor the last one in the large spectrum of this adams family pantheon that she had a tendency to be self-destructive by any means.
Her birthday a few days afterwards was not something to remember. That day kind of announced the new great grey era in her life. The dull full time job Monday to Friday from 10-6 in an advertising company, a tiny apartment of her own and a semi major web addiction became her daily bread.
She always believed in the kindness of stranger maybe because she was kind enough to them first and surprisingly she never lost her faith in that later in life as she develop ed a nice clean cut habit of sleeping semi randomly with some of them.
The clock that was almost right made its point again as it was about time to go to work. A cup of tea, a freshly made orange juice, greenish toothpaste flavor and an after taste of menthol from 20mg prozac quickly swallowed with a glass of water.
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